The short response is, yes.
It absolutely matters. There is no doubt that how many children
you have affects you, your family, your marriage, posterity, as well as God's plan. However,
I do not agree that this means we should have as many children as we physically can. I know
two very large families (8 - 10 kids). One has turned out beautifully. In general, they are all
happy and successful and have started families of their own; as well as stayed active in the
LDS church. On the other hand, the other family has several (if not every) child has gone
astray or has some very serious emotional struggles. Mind you, this is also an active LDS family.
Two are homeless, addicted to hard drugs, in and out of prison, and having children that
immediately get taken by the state. Three had a rebellious stage similar to the other two
but have thankfully grown out of it and seem to be doing good and have their own families.
Three have struggled with relationships, staying abstinent, being honest, faithful, and loyal.
One is extremely addicted to computer games. I'm not talking like plays 3 hours every day,
I'm talking 15 hours a day--skipped his grandpa's funeral to play--addicted. The youngest is
okay so far. The parents are married, yet completely absent in their children's lives (especially
the ones at home) and have seemingly given up on those that are currently struggling.
The mother is a wonderfully kind woman. She gives selflessly and loves deeply, yet has a TV
addiction. The father also loves deeply and has a lot of wisdom, yet struggles with hoarding.
I love both of these families very much. Yes, these are extremes but the point needs to be
made that not every family is able to have large families and not have it have a negative
impact.
you have affects you, your family, your marriage, posterity, as well as God's plan. However,
I do not agree that this means we should have as many children as we physically can. I know
two very large families (8 - 10 kids). One has turned out beautifully. In general, they are all
happy and successful and have started families of their own; as well as stayed active in the
LDS church. On the other hand, the other family has several (if not every) child has gone
astray or has some very serious emotional struggles. Mind you, this is also an active LDS family.
Two are homeless, addicted to hard drugs, in and out of prison, and having children that
immediately get taken by the state. Three had a rebellious stage similar to the other two
but have thankfully grown out of it and seem to be doing good and have their own families.
Three have struggled with relationships, staying abstinent, being honest, faithful, and loyal.
One is extremely addicted to computer games. I'm not talking like plays 3 hours every day,
I'm talking 15 hours a day--skipped his grandpa's funeral to play--addicted. The youngest is
okay so far. The parents are married, yet completely absent in their children's lives (especially
the ones at home) and have seemingly given up on those that are currently struggling.
The mother is a wonderfully kind woman. She gives selflessly and loves deeply, yet has a TV
addiction. The father also loves deeply and has a lot of wisdom, yet struggles with hoarding.
I love both of these families very much. Yes, these are extremes but the point needs to be
made that not every family is able to have large families and not have it have a negative
impact.
I believe the decision lies between a husband, his wife, and God. In a family foundations
class I am currently taking at my university, we just discussed in class how children effect
marital satisfaction. Though this is not a rule, it is a trend that marital satisfaction goes down
as soon as you have kids, and a lot of divorces happen then. I think it is very important to
develop a strong relationship with your spouse so that there is a better chance of overcoming
those challenges that parenting brings. Every family and every couple is different, so there is
no set amount or ratio of children that anyone should have. Also, B. Young's quote, I feel, is
outdated. At that time in history, it was completely appropriate and necessary to have as
many children as possible, that is one of the reasons polygamy was allowed for a time. similar
to how wine was used in sacrament in biblical times, and is no longer appropriate now. Don't
miss understand me, I think big families are wonderful, but it isn't the best option for every
family.
class I am currently taking at my university, we just discussed in class how children effect
marital satisfaction. Though this is not a rule, it is a trend that marital satisfaction goes down
as soon as you have kids, and a lot of divorces happen then. I think it is very important to
develop a strong relationship with your spouse so that there is a better chance of overcoming
those challenges that parenting brings. Every family and every couple is different, so there is
no set amount or ratio of children that anyone should have. Also, B. Young's quote, I feel, is
outdated. At that time in history, it was completely appropriate and necessary to have as
many children as possible, that is one of the reasons polygamy was allowed for a time. similar
to how wine was used in sacrament in biblical times, and is no longer appropriate now. Don't
miss understand me, I think big families are wonderful, but it isn't the best option for every
family.
This post is in response to these two quotes from very good and faithful men, who I have
much respect for.
much respect for.
"There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our
duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those
spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery,
and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles
for all the spirits they can."
- President Brigham Young
"You did not come on earth just to "eat, drink and be merry." You came knowing full well
your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become
perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God
in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes.
And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to
you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college
degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the
face of difficult obstacles.
"Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way,
and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who
carry on the world’s work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I
am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or
two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that
even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love
the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love
the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach
them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives."
- President Spencer W. Kimball (in an open letter to all young couples, found here in the
Ensign, June 1975)
