Sunday, December 13, 2015

The D word

Divorce. It can be one of the most detrimental things to happen to a family. It rip it apart and stomp on the pieces. It can lead to some of the biggest regret of one's life - since more than half of divorcees regret the decision. Yet despite its damaging affects, it is sometimes truly necessary and can leave everyone or at least most of them better off in the end.

The three reasons I believe divorce would be acceptable or even advantageous would be repeated abuse of ANY form, a serious addiction, or repeated infidelity. I also believe, however, that these are not reasons to get a divorce if the accused person is TRULY willing to changed, has the desire to, and has shown that clearly to the spouse.

If some one is abusing their spouse or anyone else whether it be physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, or cognitively and have not shown a true desire or willingness to get the professional help needed, then I believe that the marriage should come to the end. In that circumstance, there is no way the abused could be worse off in the long run (provided they don't get involved with another abuser). It would of course be hard and legalities and restraining orders may be necessary.

The second circumstance would be any form of addiction. Addictions are "a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)" (http://beta.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction). Serious addictions interfere with your everyday life and come between the relationships with loved ones. Any addiction whether it is gambling, drugs, alcohol, gaming, pornography, food, exercise, shopping, lying, sex, etc can become extreme enough to where the addicted can value and even love the addiction more than the spouse or family. I have seen this happen and it is one of the worst ways to live for all involved. I would encourage the non-addicted spouse to do everything they can to get that person help and be patient. if nothing works, than you can honestly say you did your best and leave.

The third reason is repeated infidelity. I am a forgiving person and I understand that temptations can be strong and everyone has moments of weakness. Although every circumstance is different, I believe that the first time should eventually be forgiven so long as they are truly remorseful for it. For me, I believe that the second time would be my end point because I have very little tolerance for cheating. I get one mistake but if they had godly sorrow, i don't think they would be weak enough to make the same mistake again. Everyone is different though. Some wouldn't leave even if it was a regular thing and that is their choice. 

Divorce is an awful, awful thing but it is sometimes necessary. But I would encourage everyone considering divorce to make sure you have truly done everything you are capable of doing (not just what you are willing to do) before you consider it further. I really believe these are the only three reasons for divorce. So you fell out of love? Fall back in love again! You aren't compatible? Let go of your pride and be willing to change!

Please, for the sake of any kids (if there are any) don't do it unless absolutely necessary.

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